I am recovering from an anniversary of the worst kind. I would like to tell you that the whole thing gets better with time but that is the biggest lie anyone has ever old. Death, the anniversary of a death, losing someone you love that meant the world to you never gets any easier than the day it happens. I remember distinctly hearing visitor and visitor tell me that “it gets with easier with time”. I’m sure they had good intentions. I even believed them for a while. But, year one, two, three and things just never seemed to get any better.

So many people I trusted and apparently lied to me. I don’t really think they meant to lie, I think that either they had never experienced such a loss or they were just trying to make me feel better. I continued to push through some of the darkest days and nights of my young little 20 years. I had no idea how painful this loss was going to be. I had no idea that it was still going to sting so bad 10 years later. I don’t know why people that were telling me “it will get easier” didn’t tell me that it might take more than ten years before I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I know that now, when I encounter people who are living in that personal hell, I make sure to tell them that it might not be any easier any time soon. I want to make sure people know and understand that time may heal some people but it did nothing to heal my pain. My pain started to ease when I met my husband, Wayne, but even still, I didn’t see much improvement in my pain until I had children. The last 19 years have been filled with chaos but I know one thing for sure, time did not help heal my broken heart. I miss my daddy as much everyday as I did day one. And, I think I may have forgot some bits and pieces during the chaos but those two little people responsible for that chaos were what helped get through a lot of pain, a lot of years, a lot of time.

However, every year, August 22nd is one of two of the worst days I can remember in my life. The other one was some years later but the loss of my mom on August 31, 2016 was that second day of total misery. I’m sure I won’t be able to tell you about that until a few days after it’s over. And, then, it’s my birthday….what a joy it is Growing Old with Jerri Ann.